A Foray Into Forgiveness

I'm a grudge holder.

I'm not proud of it, and I really am trying not to be.

And it's not to the point of high blood pressure or anything like that.

But, I remember everything, the good and the bad.

I was sitting in our church about a month ago, struggling to figure out why

I was having such a hard time worshipping during the musical set.

I didn't feel like singing, I was distracted,

and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't refocus my mind.

 Musical worship is a love of mine, but I just couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.

This lasted a few weeks.

But in the moment, I didn't really notice.

It's interesting how we don't see our own destructive patterns

until after the fact.

Even if those patterns last long months or years.

In this past month, God confronted me with two people that He wanted me to forgive.

The first person I have not seen or talked to in a long time,

and honestly, I had thought that my bitterness towards them was long gone.

It was striking to discover that it was only buried,

and that the coals still burned fiery hot when the air touched them again.

The second person I had been harboring negative feelings towards

for the last few months, without realizing how big the bitterness had become.

With both people I was adamantly opposed to forgiving them.

I told God, "No."

I justified, made excuses, ignored, changed the subject,

and begged to be let off the hook.

I made sure to re-tell God about how crappy those people were to me

and how they didn't deserve my forgiveness.

And then God reminded me that

I didn't deserve HIS forgiveness. 

And that if I chose to withhold my forgiveness,

the evil would continue when I had the chance to stop it right there.

So, I did it.

Through much prayer,

I forgave.

And last Sunday at church,

I sang my heart out.

Click here to download this free printable I designed for the occasion. 

"Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, 

kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, 

if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; 

as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."
Colossians 3:12-13

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Guess who's back?

Tell a friend. 

Ferial-Shmerial is back. 

Well, at least I hope so. 

I've missed blogging and now that life has settled down a bit, 

I feel I can try and start posting regularly again. 

Let's re-cap, shall we? 

In the last 6 months, the hubs and I have: 

>> moved overseas

>> flew on an airplane with a cat!

>> moved in with my parents

>> had a dear friend visit us from Korea

>> gotten plugged back into our church

>> gotten job(s)

>> moved out of my parents house

>> bought a car

>> moved into our own cute little apartment

>> refinished a table

>> reunited with family and old friends

>> been homesick for Korea (often, actually)

We are happy. 

We have a cute little home, our fur baby, our family and friends, 

and so much to be thankful for. 

When I even think back to the stress and exhaustion of moving across the ocean again, 

I am overwhelmed by God's goodness and provision and just so thankful that we made it. 

We miss Korea (and our people there) something fierce. 

Sometimes, I wake up in the morning and in those moments right before 

I open my eyes, I expect to see my room in Korea when I open them. 

These days, I'm missing my Korean commute a lot; 

that one-minute walk to work couldn't be beat. 

Nowadays, I've got a 30-minute drive to work in traffic. 

It really is such a beautiful road, though, and if I have to be stuck in traffic, 

it's the best place to be. 

A 30-minute commute certainly isn't anything to complain about either. 

Especially since I love my job. 

Yep, and there's no sarcasm in that sentence. 

I truly do love my job. 

I can't help but be SO THANKFUL to the Lord for providing me with this job. 

Jobs aren't exactly plentiful right now, 

and God not only provided me with full-time work that pays our bills, 

but with full-time work that I care about and enjoy. 

Thank you, Jesus. 

So, all that to say, I'm back. 

Back in California. 

Back to work. 

Back to blogging. 

Here's to 2013. 

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