Perfect Peace
I've been pretty quiet around here lately.
Remember how I committed to choosing love this year? Remember that big post I wrote on change?
Change + choosing love = difficult. Therefore, I've been quiet around here lately.
The hubs and I are getting closer and closer to making some firm decisions about all of our options that I mentioned in my "Change" post. As I said in that post, the decisions that we have ahead of us are not easy, and it turns out I was right.
In the last few weeks I have jumped from one emotional breakdown to another; and in between, my days seem to consist of busyness and stress, with sprinkles of marital arguments to top off this depressing sundae.
In the few moments of truth and clarity that I have enjoyed in these last weeksI've been able to recognize that all of these compounding sins and stresses all stem from one source: fear.
What the heck are we doing with our lives? Is my husband strong enough to lead us? What if we don't have enough money saved up? What if we leave? What if we don't leave? What will happen to my lovable cat? What about our family and friends, what will they think? ARE WE DOING THE RIGHT THING?
I'm afraid. I'm afraid of leaving. I'm afraid of staying. I'm afraid of losing my cat. I'm afraid of losing touch with my friends. I'm afraid of falling right back into our old materialistic lifestyle. I'm afraid of moving across the world. Again. I'm afraid that we won't be able to afford having children. I'm afraid that we won't be able to have children. I'm afraid of taking risks. I'm afraid because I don't know what's coming. I'm afraid of not being in control. I'm afraid of change.
It's in these overwhelming seasons of life that I must choose to cling to the promises of God. I don't feel like He's working all things out for my good. I don't feel loved and justified. I don't feel His perfect peace.
But it's there.
He will keep me in PERFECT PEACE, and oh boy could I really use some. But, I have to do my part too. His peace comes in partnership with my trust. Not that I could ever do anything to gain anything from God, He gives freely and I am so undeserving of his blessings! But, nevertheless, He asks me to trust Him. How can I choose to trust Him, every moment, every day, even when I don't feel like it? Even when I don't feel Him near? Even when the benefits of His peace don't come right away?
O Lord, help me trust You! Give me Your perfect peace. And may I be like Jesus.
PS: I created that Isaiah 26:3 photo above as a reminder of God's promise of perfect peace; if you like the photo you can click on it and it will redirect you to a bigger versionthat you can save to your computer and print out as a reminder for yourself as well.
I love your open, honest and vulnerable heart. Dear Ferial be blessed in this season. Remember that even the greatest of God's men struggled with trusting in God's promises to direct us.
ReplyDeletethat's been one of my favorite verses for a while...love your image using it! peace is hard, but not impossible with God. thanks for the encouragement!
ReplyDeleteWhen we speak aloud the things that trap us, the burdens lift off our shoulders and those "fears" become weaker and weaker. God's light is now shining on your fears and the devil can no longer use them to cause you to stumble. Praise God that you were not "afraid" to shout them out. I will be praying for answers to your questions and for answers to your doubts and fears.
ReplyDeleteGreat post babe.
ReplyDeleteI love being on this adventure with you, argumentative sprinkles and all.
Girl, you have a LOT going on in your life - I would be afraid too!! But keep leaning on God, like you said. He'll lead you in the right direction, even though it may be a little emotional and bumpy along the way. :)
ReplyDeleteLove your honesty, sweet Ferial.
ReplyDeleteferial. lifting you up in prayer.
ReplyDeletethanks for this reminder of keeping our focus on him! LOVE that scripture.
and i will remind YOU that he has a focus on you. i've been impressed upon lately with that name of god, EL ROI. the god who always sees. he sees your heart, your husbands. he sees your deepest fears and desires. he sees your yet to be! continue to rest in jesus. trust his eye.
love you, darling ferial girl. xo
psalm121
Thanks for being real. I found your blog through Beth at "Dot in the City." I really need to be meditating on that verse!
ReplyDeleteYou can do this. You've got an awesome husband, and you two have jumped into the unknown before. If any one can do this, it's you Co. I have full faith in you, especially since I know how strong your faith is. Remember - it always works out in the end. I promise.
ReplyDelete